Discovering Human Design

I choose a few months ago to deep dive into the experiment of Human Design. It is a tool to help you understand yourself more. To understand how you are influenced and conditioned. A manual on how to live a more peaceful life. Based on your birth date, place and time it gives you a blueprint of sorts of your personality and soul. I am a Mental Projector which makes me around 2% of the population. I am very open which means when I am around others their energy and emotions deeply effect me. I am also very good at channelling and connecting with others truth. It can be off-putting for some as they feel exposed in my presence. I love to learn and when I stumble across something new I go all in. I don’t know how to skim the surface, I want to know it all. Hence why I got my foundation reading after a couple of months of diving in.

In Human design there is 4 main types of people, Generators make up 70% of the population and they have a sacral motor which drives them with immense energy when they are in alignment. Within Generators there are also Manifesting Generators which means they have a manifesting ability once responding to something. There are Projectors which are around 20% of the population, projectors are here to guide energy, they are not the doers. Manifestors are next which make up around 10% of the population, they are here to initiate and bring new ideas to the world, they are also not the doers. Lastly the most rare type is the Reflector, which is 1% of the population. They are here to reflect back to the community around them, to be a mirror and amplify the energy of those around them.

As a mental projector I am focused currently on my Strategy and Authority. They say at the beginning of ones experiment this is the best way to focus on living your human design. You can get your free human design chart here. My strategy as a projector is to wait for the invitation. A sign that I am not on the right path is a feeling of bitterness. It goes against everything I have been conditioned to do my whole life. People tell you to go out and make things happen, initiate otherwise you wont find success. I am now being asked to focus on the things I love, read, make art, write, meditate, cook, socialise and trust the right invitations will come my way. While it is not completely passive it feels uncomfortable for me. I wrestle with the fact that I want to make things happen. The truth is we are all a passengers to our life. We need to surrender to the beautiful ebb and flow of the gift we have been given. We are not in control even though our minds would like to think we are.

My authority is one that really bothers me. I can accept the strategy to wait for invitations. My authority is something I am still coming to terms with. As a mental projector with a defined head and anja I have no internal decision making authority. For big choices in my life I have to sound board them with others. I have to speak out loud and discuss my options and then see how that feels in my body. I don’t need the advice of others, I just need to be able to tell them how I am feeling and my own pro’s and con’s. It is something I have always done. Talk a lot to others about my life and where it is heading. It is weird though knowing I shouldn’t solely rely on a gut feeling or my heart.

I have spent the last few months reading every night learning more and more about how it all works. I feel overwhelmed but I know that my mind is just searching for answers. I know my body already feels the alignment with my design. The thing that I love about it is that it has allowed me to laugh at my not-self. It has allowed me to realise my open mind has many thoughts that are not mine, many thoughts in the day that aren’t towards my highest good. Now I can sit back and laugh at my thoughts and know they are not me. I also know that as a projector I need to be recognised by others for my gifts. I light up when someone recognises me. I am grateful that I have entered in to many relationships where this has been the case. I am also less stressed about pleasing everyone. It is not my job to please and appease all the time. I am not here to contort to what everyone wants or expects me to be. Ahhhh what a relief.

Special mention to Erik Bergen who runs the facebook group ‘Erik’s Group of Wonderment’ that sparked my interest in diving deep in to Human Design.

You are not your mind

Why do I meditate? To slow my thoughts down and remind myself I am not the thoughts that I think. I am not my mind. I am a soul travelling through this human life. I am consciousness with an earth suit. I just finished reading ‘The Untethered Soul’. It is a wise book about how we need to detach from everything we think we are to find peace. It resonated so much especially the chapter on death.

In the book it says ‘If you are living every experience fully, then death doesn’t take anything away from you’. We are given a gift to be living at this time. Each breath is a gift and we need to remember that. We need to live our lives not as if we are going to be able to do things some day. We need to live each day as we desire. We are not here to trudge through the drudgery of life. We are here to have fun. We are here to experience pleasure. We are here to love, feel, move and find joy in every day.

The past few weeks have forced me to come to terms with my own mortality. I had a skin check which lead to a very early stage Melanoma being found, then skin being removed and 12 stitches on my back. Now it is all removed I am 100% cured. I had a week where I had to wait for results. In this week I really faced off with how much I want to be on this earth. How much I want to experience in the future, how much I want to enjoy motherhood and see my little one grow up. I also realised I need to stop worrying so much about the small stuff and slow down the constant thoughts about the future. I need to keep following my bliss and enjoying life.

Life is not going to happen in five years when I am living in my dream home. It is not going to happen when I reach that next milestone, it is not going to happen when I find my purpose in life. Life is this moment right here, life is happening right now. All I need to do is be here and enjoy it. Enjoy the journey and spend less time worrying about how things will work out.

Motherhood After Loss

I am sitting here writing from my couch with a little munchkin that has just fell asleep in my arms. Lucy is almost eight months old. I am quietly reflecting on what it has been like as a mother to an earthside child. For those of you that don’t know me, I gave birth to my first child Hamish two years ago this month. He was stillborn, wrapped in the umbilical cord, the cord that was supposed to give him life unfortunately took it from him. I was nine months pregnant and so ready to meet him. I got to hold him for a number of hours over a few days and say goodbye.

Becoming a mother again has been such a different journey. A journey that I couldn’t be more grateful for. Each waking minute I am with Lucy I give thanks for the blessing of her presence. Lucy burst into the world full of life on the 6th of February this year. Lucy is the most chilled out baby. She has a lot of energy though and is always on the move. She wakes up smiling every morning, knowing what a privelige it is to be alive. She pours her beautiful love all over Greg and I daily and we are so lucky to be her parents.

My heart is so full. I am learning so much from motherhood this time around. I feel like Hamish choose me as his mum and I have work to do in the world to keep fulfilling his purpose. With Lucy it is my job to create a loving, safe and present home life for her to thrive. I am here to be there for her through these years of her childhood. To feed her, to comfort her, to be home. That place she can always rest her head upon. The one that will pour unconditional love all over her daily.

I have learned these past eight months that my mission is clear. I am here to be her mother. To love and be kind. To share my heart with others. To be a example of what mindful motherhood is. To do the best I can. To honour myself as a woman, mother, sister, wife and friend. To share meditation and mindfulness with those around me. To be in alignment with my soul. To keep surrounding myself with those that are living a heart centred life.